Jokes About Blues Music
FunnyMonday Morning Jokes Will and Guy'sBest Jokes to Overcome the Monday Morning BluesEach day of the week has a definite personality, for example thesaying, Monday's child is fair of face. Will and Guy have avariety of jokes and funny quotes to overcome the Monday morning blues. Good Pages of Monday Jokes. Irish Humour. Thief needs Geography lesson.
27 totally cringe-worthy music jokes that you need in your life right now. The best (and worst) musical jokes. Did you hear the one about the viola? What's the difference between a conductor and God? God doesn't think he's a conductor. The composer who was Haydn. Q: What do you get if you enroll in a liberal arts program and the only subject you do well in is music? A: A natural major. Dubstep is to music what an Etch-A-Sketch is to art. Jokes Categories Here! If you enjoyed this page, you may also like: Music Pick Up Lines Celebrity Jokes Dirty Jokes Clean Jokes Bible Jokes Pokemon Yo. Music Accordion jokes Bagpipe jokes Banjo jokes Bass jokes Bassoon jokes. French horn jokes Guitar jokes Harmonica jokes Harp jokes Harpsichord jokes Music One Liners Musical jokes Musician jokes Oboe jokes Orchestra jokes Organ jokes Piano jokes Piccolo jokes. What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones? A: 'I didn't wake up.
Ideal daydreaming for a Monday. Complete section. Lovely cartoons.- House husbands. And family confessions. Good variety.
Eye drops off shelf (Eye-drops). Puente - Neat Idea for Mondays'Puente' is the Spanish for bridge.
However, it's not theliteral meaning that interests us. Unlike the rest of the world, the Spanish hold their bank holidays on aTuesday, consequently, on most occasions Monday will be treated as a bridge dayan extra day of holiday, thus ensuring a four day weekend. A Variety of Funny Monday Quotes.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of nationalemergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. Ronald Reagan. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you gotanything for wind?' So he gave me a kite. Tommy Cooper. If you look like your passport picture, you probably needed theweekend trip.
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one. SpikeMilliganMonday Jokes - Having a Bad Day with Your Computer?Perhaps one of these sites can help you:. Need a therapist?
Try Therapist Finder at www.therapistfinder.com. Then of course, there's the Italian Power Generator company.www.powergenitalia.com. Visit these brainless art designers, and their whacky website:www.speedofart.com20 Funny Monday Morning One-liners To Cheer You Up And Make Your ColleaguesLaugh.
I couldn't repairyour brakes, so I made your horn louder. A day without sunshine islike., night. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Ijust got lost in thought.
It was unfamiliar territory. 42.7 percent ofall statistics are made up on the spot. 99% of Lawyers give the rest abad name.
Remember, half the people you know are below average. Hewho laughs last thinks slowest.
Depression is merely anger withoutenthusiasm. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol. Supportbacteria. They're the only culture some people have. A clear conscienceis usually the sign of a bad memory. Change is inevitable, except fromvending machines.
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. Always try to bemodest, and be proud of it!. OK. So what's the speed of dark?. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?. If everything seems tobe going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
What happens ifyou get scared half to death twice?. Monday is a dreadful way to spend 1/7 of your life.It's Monday, You've Just Been Jilted - Food for ThoughtThe hospital'sconsulting dietician was giving a lecture to several community nurses from the Southampton area of Hampshire.' The rubbish we put into our stomachs and consume should have killed most of ussitting here, years ago.Red meat is terrible.
Fizzy drinks attack your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with msg. Vegetables can be disastrous because of fertilisers and pesticides and none of usrealises the long-term damage being done by the rotten bacteria in our drinking water.However, there is one food that is incredibly dangerous and we all have, or will, eat it at some time in our lives. Now,is anyone here able to tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?' A 65-year-old nursing sister sitting in the front row stood up and said, 'Wedding cake.' Five More Laughs For A Monday Morning.
I dialled a number and got the following recording, 'Iam not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. Iam making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after thebeep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.' . My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to usemine. Every morning is the dawn of a new error. Roger went to apply for a job.
After filling outall of his applications, he waited anxiously for the outcome. Theemployer read all his applications and said to Roger, 'We have anopening for people like you.' 'Oh, great,' Roger replied, 'What isit?' 'It's called the door,' came the answer. A man walks into a pub and sees Vincent Van Goghstanding at the bar. The man says, 'I love your paintings, can I buy youa drink?'
Vincent replies, 'No thanks I've got one ear.' Chef's SpecialNigel: The two things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie. It is called 'Clean Monday', because it refers to people leaving behindtheir sinful attitudes.
Funny History Exam AnswerDuring the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a greatnavigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His shipswere called the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossedthe Ocean, and that was called the Pilgrim's Progress. When they landed atPlymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill rollingtheir was hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried their cabooses, whichproved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for thesetters.
Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith wasresponsible for all this.
Monday Blues - Sicknote FrequencyAnalysis of workplace sickness reveals that Mondays in January are themost popular days for workers pulling a 'sickie'. Twelve of the twentymost popular days for sickness absence occurred in January.Another study of sickness found that 34% of all sick leave is taken on aMonday. What happens is that attendance on the remaining working daysbecoming higher as the week progresses.
Thus the lowest sick leave rate wasrecorded on Fridays with just 2.9% of the total. Quick Monday Morning Diagnosis Nurse: 'Doctor, Doctor the man you've just treated collapsed on the front step.
What should I do?' Doctor: 'Turn him around so it looks like he was just arriving!'
Blue Monday the most depressing day of the year. It falls on at theend of the January, typically on the Monday of the last full week ofJanuary.Cliff Arnall's formula is:Where: weather=W, debt=d, time since Christmas=T, time since failing ournew year's resolutions=Q, low motivational levels=M and the feeling of aneed to take action=Na. 'D' is not defined in the release, nor are units.Arnall says the date was calculated by using many factors, including:weather conditions, debt level (the difference between debt accumulated andour ability to pay), time since Christmas, time since failing our new year'sresolutions, low motivational levels and feeling of a need to take action.However, Ben Goldacre points out that Cliff Arnall's equation does notmake mathematical sense. Will and Guy say that while maths is mumbojumbo, there is an underlying truth that the anti-climax after Christmas andNew Year bottoms out at the end of January.Arnall's dates for Blue Monday:24 January in 2005 23 January in 2006 22 January in 200721 January in 2008 19 January in 2009 18 January in 2010. In 2011some say blue Monday was on 24 January 2011, while other claim the 17th ofJanuary. 23 January 2012 24 January 2013 More Samples of our BestMonday Jokes: Sign on Motorway Garage:PLEASE DO NOT SMOKE NEAR OUR PETROL PUMPS. YOUR LIFE MAY NOT BE WORTH MUCH, BUT OUR PETROL ISSpotted in a Safari Park:ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CARFunny Warning Labels on AppliancesOn a cardboard windshield sun-shade: 'Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place'.Why Pumpkins are Better than Men?Each year you get a brand new crop to choose from.
Also, they are always on the doorstep there waiting to greet you.Funny Notices Seen in Hotel Bedrooms:. Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing please not to read notice. Please to bathe inside the tub.
Blues Music History
Please leave your values at the front desk. You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid. Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, itis suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.Monday Blues Joke Important Phone FixedHaving just moved into his new office in Whitehall, pompous, newly promoted Lieutenant Commander Rodney Grant Royal Navy was sitting at his desk when Leading Seaman Jones knocked on his door. Particularlyaware of his new position, the commander quickly picked up the phone, told the seaman to enter, then said into the phone, 'Yes, Admiral, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. Inthe meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir.' Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed young Jones man, he asked, 'What do you want?'
'Nothing important, sir,' Jones replied without battingan eyelid, 'I'm just here to connect up your new telephone.' Funny Motor Insurance Quotes from Claim Forms Filed on a Monday. I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had beenrun over before. The other man altered his mind so I had to run into him. I collided with a stationary tree.Bad Label on a Passenger ManifestA New York lawmaker called and asked, 'Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who'sluggage belongs to who?'
I said, 'No, why do you ask?' She replied, 'Well, when I checked in withthe airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight, I think that is very rude?' After putting her on hold for a minute while I 'looked into it'(I wasactually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.I thought under my breath, a good job shewasn'tgoing to Show Low airport in Arizona (SOW).Footnote: Please send us your funny Monday morningjokes.